My last blog post was almost four months ago, and for the past few weeks it’s been making me more and more anxious thinking about what to write for my next post, when to post it, if it’s even worth continuing because I’d left it too long. It had become this tight knot in my chest, accompanied by an immense feeling impending doom, all because I’ve not written on this blog since September.
Then I took a step back and thought about what I was doing.
This blog was meant to be fun for me; it was meant to be an experiment, a flow of consciousness, a personal journey. And it has been exactly that, so it shouldn’t matter how often I post or if I even post at all. The last thing it’s meant to do is make me more anxious than I already am every day.
For the past two years this blog has helped me grow as a person, learn new things about myself, meet an awesome community of other bloggers and has given me a platform to express myself and to be honest about who I am. So I want to make sure it stays this way; I want it to stay a hobby, not a chore. I had intended on making one of my new year’s resolutions to be Write one blog post a week no matter what! But I’ve 100% decided against that. No, my number 1 new year’s resolution is Learn to let things go. Try not to be such a perfectionist and relax.
The rest of my resolutions are as follows:
- To accept myself for who I am: With all my faults and flaws (this will be no easy feat).
- To live in the moment: Sit in the sunshine, play with the dog, take in everything. Just generally be more mindful.
- To try to live a more balanced life and try to take better care of myself: Even if this means eating an apple a day or meditating in the mornings.
- To listen to my body: say no to things…say yes to things; sleep when I’m tired; run when I can; cry when I need to…cry when I want to.
- To not over-commit myself to things: This links to the last one a little bit. No-one can do everything, so don’t try! Pick one thing at a time and do it well, and calmly.
- To write more for pleasure: Since starting my degree in scriptwriting i’ve allowed for writing to become homework, a chore rather than the hobby it always was for me. This year I want to write more, just because. To write silly things and not judge them, to write anything and everything I want to.
- To become more independent and learn to be more comfortable being alone: Do more things by myself, travel alone, eat alone…go to the supermarket alone without getting nervous…
Here was my original list:
- Lose weight and get healthy
- Go to the gym at least once a week
- Drink 8 glasses of water a day
- Write at least one blog post a week
- Write in my journal every day
- Take one photo every day
- Write a novel or feature-length screenplay
The second list is clearly a bit more intense. It’s not bad or wrong, but just very….strict. And unnecessary, for me at least. I’ve always been the kind of person who saw my life being a certain way, and wanted everything to fit perfectly in order for it to go that way. But all I really need to do is learn to be more carefree and just live. To just live my best life, whatever that may mean. If I were to pick one very specific thing I’d like to do though, it would be to travel. To go somewhere new completely alone and just embrace the new experience.
And of course, ideally I’d like to try all the things in the second list, but why set myself a bunch of strict targets that I’m realistically not going to meet, just to feel like I’ve let myself down again? I think I know which of these lists will help me lead a happier life, and at the end of the day (or…year), that’s all anyone wants to do.
Looking back, 2017 has been a generally great year for me and my family and I’m extremely grateful for that, as I know that’s not the case for everyone. I’m grateful for all the wonderful opportunities I have been given, for the incredible people I have in my life, and for the literal roof over my head keeping me safe. I hope the next year brings great things for everyone out there.
Happy New Year everyone (or anyone)!